On the ‘phone to Mum, I told her I was getting a plumber round to give me a quote for installing a shower. I thought she’d be pleased. She suddenly sounded very serious.

Mum: You do know, don’t you, that you’ll have to get a…a thing.

Me: A thing?

Mum: You know…! A shower curtain. Or a door.

Me: Mum! I have had showers before! I’m not an idiot!

Mum: Do I know what you know?!