These five phrases really piss me off:
1. Shabby chic
Ugh. Take a piece of furniture, make it look tatty. “Distress” it. Sell it as some sort of ‘lifestyle’ design to people who think it makes their home look cool in some vague bohemian way. A complete oxymoron.
2. Going forward
The most unnecessary and useless waste of words. Whenever you see these two words together, mentally remove them and read the sentence again. See? Makes no difference to the meaning (but vastly improves the sentence).
3. To be honest
Suggests the speaker hasn’t been until now.
4. Key Performance Indicator (KPI)
Corporate wank. No. Just no.
What the fuck does this even mean? It is used to sell products, to demean people’s sexualities, to suggest that what you spend money on and how you look is your life (no doubt for some people that may sadly be true). It is a term one is supposed to buy into. Empty and meaningless.
Did I miss anything out? Share your hated phrases in the comments.
It goes like this.
In my bag I carry three envelopes. Inside each envelope are little squares of paper. On each square of paper is a word.
Just as the contestants on Countdown choose different sized numbers and use them to get as near to the target as possible, you may choose how many words you would like from envelopes 1, 2 and 3. You may request a maximum of six words. Not all words need to be used.
Leave me a comment with your request and I will give you the words. Once your words have been issued, you have 24 hours to post the resulting poem.
Got it? Great. GO!
*Or ‘Rachel‘, for you modern types